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1. |
sore spot
05:29
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sore spot
from months ago
pressing in your fingers
chores put off
months ago
handing to me
another burden
sunlight still
laughing at me
bruise still blue
for months
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2. |
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snow angels
in your driveway
no, i didn’t go
i wasn't having fun in the first place
car ride home
we didnt argue
we didnt even speak
i don't recall that happening
i guess it’s not a make or break
as long as you’re okay
i guess it’s not a make or break
as long as you’re okay
“you look just like an angel”
a stranger told me so
delicate abnd pale
you looked at me like you saw a ghost
i guess it’s not a make or break
as long as you’re not scared
i guess it’s not a make or break
as long as you’re not scared
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3. |
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i used to look errors in the manuscript
i used to hide my face behind the blinking light
worried to death i’m clocked
worried to death, i just clocked in
you used to look for cracks in my shield
you used to be so desperate to pry me open
i’ll come worried to death
i’ll come worried for death
repeat to myself “i did okay today”
tell human resources
“i’m seven drinks in and this feels like harassment”
i can’t come to work
one bad interaction
i can’t tell you the rest
i didn’t read the fine print
i get i’m a liability
i don’t have to tell you the rest
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4. |
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i’m the shield with the crack
i’m the thorn in your back
left the television on
while you were asleep
first time arguing
when you woke up i told you
“i’m happy with nothing, nothing’s all i have”
i don’t wanna live on a tightrope where
i make you cry on the phone every time i call
i won’t answer next time
you don’t have to tell me the rest
i’ll say the wrong thing and scare you
i have enough for you and me both
i’m the shield with the crack
i’m the thorn in your back
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5. |
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promise i won’t do it
just need you to tell me not to
cover up my eyes
tried to stare at a solar eclipse
inhale your words like this
ashamed of a forehead kiss
i’m making you my bliss
should be for myself but for you i live
swear that i can’t do it
then you bring me back to lucid
obvious and elusive
trying not to be stupid
needed a friend here’s cupid
joking about the cool whip
drunk and i got a loose lip
hug me like a vice grip
once in a while
i’m spread on the tile
texting you i’m not okay
i know i’ll be alright
i know that i’ll be fine
eleven eleven i wake to find you hit me back
faking a smile
spitting up bile
i left the party but i’m okay
i know we’ll be alright
i know that we’ll be fine
spinning in cycle i wake to find you there again
maybe i’m weird
coming over unannounced
never really talked to you
once in a blue moon i’d talk when i’m not scared
sometimes i wake up shaking
wondering if i will leave like last time
i’m so scared of myself
so scared of leaving the house again
once in a while
do you wanna call me
waiting for myself is getting me nowhere
why do i get so nervous every time
like, i know you so well
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6. |
train home
03:52
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no train home
no train home
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7. |
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couldn’t come to see you in time
said you were feeling unwell
fumes from the open hood
screaming on the phone while washing your hands
downed another bottle in bed
cutting of everyone who wants to know
what’s eating at you
that’s so many years ago
you probably remember as well as i do
said that you were holding something turbulent
do you really think you’ll recover
just enough to grow out of
the cradle that you found in me
thrown off; craven
building enough of an excuse to
push you away when you ask new questions
i’m not equipped to tell you what i think of them
crushed you
tried to kill you and me on the phone
running out of ways to say i’ve lost control
but i pull you in
waiting for the right moment
to question my own threats
to leave you as you wish
tell me something reassuring for once
tell me one thing i can do to stop you from crying
you always said you’re scared of death
then you go and scare me to death
unaccommodating request i can’t say no to
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8. |
mean girl
06:03
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9. |
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close your tab
and try again
mouthful of courage
tell you friends
you got other plans
on a daily basis now
we’re only best friends under the neon sign
have yourself another one
take your time, i’m not mad at you
roll the dice on who’s gonna hate me first
is it you?
for now,
let the dog whistle in my head
tell me to lie down
like a rum-runner in your hands
i left the line out
your laundry is hung to freeze
devout
i smoke to seed your time
outside the compound
no harp to heed your fire
or to hide the gun sounds
your boundaries are falling on me
call me if you want i'm a good time
sing a swan song in a swan dive
put me in the corner if i get wild
call another order i'll go blind
pullin on my collar we can both drive
sayin’ i'm good is a good line
she tells me i'm a good liar
if you wanna we can get higher
and where i'm going only gets brighter
and theres no cryin’
and theres no line
i'm turning back on to find
another piece of my mind
cause if you only call me when i get faded
i guess that every time you call me i'mma get faded
just to quit shaking
it’s frustrating to get wasted
every day
i'm turning back on to find
another day sets in the sunrise
bloodshot reds in the skyline
sayin’ "it's fine" to your eye whites
prayin’ "i'm good" is a goodbye
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10. |
draw me
03:11
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you need to be strong
you need to tell me what’s wrong
draw me a diagram of your priorities
and draw me feeling better
draw me feeling sick in the sunlight
draw me having fun
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Kaho Matsui Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
computer and recording works for girls
she/her
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